Haha…Ikr!!

You get meeker, stay back at home more, read more and get much more serious with your life. You get neater, paying more attention to the details of your room;because you have more time on your hands and you also sleep a lot more. You wake up later than usual, and you eat lesser than usual. Isn’t it funny how much the symptoms resemble that of a sick man. Yeah, right, cos it’s an ailment. Getting broke is a damn serious ailment!

For those that still have airtime on their phones when they get broke, you know how it gets when you’re tempted to make that lifesaving phone call, usually a flash, to your parents or uncle or cousin or aunt or sibling. You know how many times you start dialling the number and then stop, as a result of a number of factors, ranging from pride to that the called party sent you money just days before. And so, time after time, you do not make the phone call.

Suddenly you remember all the people that owe you money, and you start calling. You save airtime on this venture because almost all of them don’t pick up, and then those that pick up, claim to be in another part of town. You’re so vexed wondering why that shit happens all the time. And you keep getting more hungry every passing minute.

If you’re the cooking type, you bring out your foodstuff after years of neglect, if you have any. If you’re not the cooking type, doom! If you had foodstuff but never cooked, this is usually when you realise you don’t have as much foodstuff as you thought you had. You also realize your next door neighbour has finished your salt or maggi or thyme or rice. It’s either no food, or quack food. Food is food, anything will do. And then you whip together the concoction and dump it in the pot, praying PHCN doesn’t cut power supply. They do. And then, you realize there’s no wick or kerosene in the pot. No money for that. So you wait hungry.

This time is usually when friends come into place. You use the little money you have to call friends to help out, if, of course, you’re not too proud. And then, after a few calls, you get tired of hearing the by now familiar sentence on the other line ‘I’m sorry, but…’, but by then it’s too late. You’ve wasted even more of the little money you have with you. By the time you stop calling friends, you’ve spent too much and can’t afford kerosene any more.

But you don’t call your saviour yet, cause you’re not ready to take the insult you’d get. You must have discovered already, though, that embarrassing situations and being broke are made for each other, so you don’t go out. If you do, it usually goes this way; you’re passing by an eatery when suddenly the girl you have a crush on comes out and then asks for a little change to balance her payment because there’s no change, but you cannot provide. Or when you throw your legs over a bike thinking the fare is N50 which by the way is the only amount left on you, the bikeman insists its N70. Ouch! The embarrassment having to alight from the bike, when the guy you’re forming for is just behind. Ouch! And then, the friend you owe a million favours sees you and asks for N50. You wish you could, you see the disappointment in his eyes, hear the failing of his voice, but you can’t do anything about it. You’re damn broke.

So you stay at home.

But that doesn’t make it any easier. It just helps matters a bit. It’s annoying when you get that invitation call or text to the place you’ve always wanted to go to when you’re broke.But relatively, it’s best to just stay at home.

You realize there’s no more hope and you make the phone call. You take the insult lightly, cos all you want is the money. If you’re lucky, you’re promised the money would be sent immediately. That’s usually when your network provider starts playing tricks on you and you start getting incessant text messages. The thing is, you don’t even read these text messages because you’re so disappointed to see that they’re not bank alerts.

The question constantly on your mind usually is ‘How ever did it get so bad?’

Usually, when you get broke is when you pay attention to the details around you, most especially the food details. The smell of food next door seems stronger, the picture of the meal in the magazine is clearer, you suddenly see more food wrappers around, etc. Usually, your appetite doubles or triples. Sleep is usually the best answer.

The easiest thing that comes to a broke man is thinking, then sleep and nothing else. Work gets too stressful, even when you’re really engrossed. Reading gets easily distracted. The movies seem to last forever, and the food scenes are very annoying.

All through your ordeal, you keep promising yourself you’d never get broke again, and you’re almost sure of spoiling yourself with the finest of treats when the money arrives. Let’s just wait till then, because for now, you’re just another broke fellow!